What has been heard...

For those of you who have never worked in food service, there is something you should know about kitchen workers. We get a little crazy in there. We arrive really early, we work all day, it's hot, and the work can be a little monotonous at times. All of this together makes for a dangerous situation, because we get bored. Getting bored leads to bad things.

Specifically, getting bored means that everything said in the kitchen gets turned into an innuendo. So, here lies the list of terrible things heard in the kitchen, without any context. This list also only accounts for about 4 days worth of material. 

"So how do you go down?"

"Just shove it in! Worry about it later."

"Uhm, did you remember to pull it out?..."

"You got it in his hair, now it'll never come out." "What is his girlfriend going to think?" "Not the first guy I've done it to"

"We'll see how long it gets"

"I made her scream last night"

"I had a really bad habit of putting things in my mouth." "Yeah, I've got a 28 year old friend who does that"

"It's a special relationship when two guys shamble around in their underwear at six in the morning."

"I know what to do with my hands, but I don't know how to twist it"

"You don't need a spoon bro, my hands are all over it"

"We've done it both ways"

"She's complaining about her arm being sore, and then not letting me do it."

"It's worse when I pause and then keep going."

"Just pull me in when you start doing it."

"Just give me your balls."

"It's almost there, it's almost there!" "There it is!"

"It's going to be huge and awful." "Maybe you just suck."

"That must have been hard for you." "No, I'm good at multitasking."

"Your weiner looks so much better than mine."

"I don't think about it until it comes out of my mouth."

"It gapes open every night."

"They might need to screw in a new hole."

"Well, you can finish today by yourself."

"I finally figured out why the melons are so big. They're from Texas, and even our melons are bigger in Texas."

"Okay, now I get to find out if I fit." "Sounds like me yesterday."

"It's in there."

"I don't want to squeeze right now."

"Are you enjoying your melons?"

""Can I watch?" "Yes." "Sweet..."

"Yeah, it got soft."

"It would feel really good though." "Not for her." "Depends if she likes pain or not."

"I like to bang things on the table too."

"Pull one out and give it to me."

"It doesn't work with three people because it would be done really quickly."

"Can I borrow your hand?"

"You guys can take it or leave it, but it's going in my mouth."

"Is it big and puffy?"

"Stick your hand in. Is it soft and sticky?"

"Jack is too small."

"It's so much effort though." "But it tastes so good."

"He's not coming today! I'm so upset!"

"It's literally everywhere. The counter, the stove, the floor..."

Just remember, no matter how difficult things seem, or how tired you feel, sometimes a good laugh is all you need to keep it all going

Watching a coworker shove a handful of chocolate mousse into his own face works too. 

Toodles!