The (Short) Life of a Beard

I do apologize for my missing post last Monday. I know some of you basically only check in the read my more thoughtful posts on Mondays, so those readers kind of got shafted last week. My sincerest apologies, and thank you for coming back to read this week even though it's coming out a little late in the day. Today's post is also going to be super personal to me, like any time I talk about mental health issues. GIANT BLOCK OF TEXT INCOMING.

When people get really stressed out, there's a saying that can pop up from time to time, that they "want to tear my hair out in frustration". What a lot of people might not realize is that this is actually a legitimate reaction to stress for some. There is a disorder called Trichotillomania, which translates to a hair-pulling disorder. What does that actually mean?

When people with TTM feel stressed out, or sad, or bored (whatever their trigger is), they can have one of two reactions. One reaction is to unconsciously pull out their hairs, while the other is to be aware of the action and to feel satisfaction from the act. Commonly suffers of this disorder will pull out the hairs from the top of their head, eyebrows, or eyelashes, but any hair can suffice.

As far as self destructive disorders go, you might be thinking that pulling out a few hairs isn't that bad. At least you're not cutting yourself or breaking bones. TTM, like everything, affects different people to different degrees. Think about how long it might take someone to tweeze their eyebrows into the "perfect shape". More severe cases of TTM will literally pull every hair of their head, one at a time. Think how freaking long that would take. Some people will also bite or swallow the hairs they pull out, which can cause harmful buildups in their digestive track. The picking can also cause damage to the skin, as you can easily imagine. 

In our aesthetic society, having patchy hair or missing your eyebrows can be a terrible crime. Sufferers of TTM often feel great shame for what they do, and will try to hide it from other people, using wigs to cover up the results of their picking, or willingly shaving off any hair that remains after a session of pulling. It's terrible how our society treats people who look differently than the "norm", going so far as to shame people for it. It makes disorders like TTM such a difficult one to deal with, as the shame and emotional distress often leave people hiding their affliction, not reaching out for the help they need.

SO. Why am I writing about this? What the heck does this have to do with the life of a beard, or the random dude writing this blog?

You're clever people. You can put two and two together. I have a slight case of trichotillomania. Luckily for me, I do not pull out hairs on my head, or eyelashes. One upside of being a male is the fact that my face grows hair all the time. The downside is that I actually like having a beard. When I'm having a good day, I have a nice beard. When I'm stressed out, or really bored, or even just have the hair just a little bit too long, I absolutely destroy my beard. It turns into a really weird goatee-and-mutton-chop thing. I usually have to completely shave my beard off every few months just to reset the whole thing and hide the patches of pulled out hair. Having Style call me when I'm unconsciously pulling out hair has been helping, and I really do thank her for that. 

A Youtuber named Beckie0 has been incredibly public about having TTM. You can see a quick BBC coverage of her story below. Her Youtube page is here.

For some basic information about trichotillomania, click here.

Please people, the next time you see people that look a little different than what you expect, don't just immediately assume they chose to look that way. If they did, that's what they want, respect their choices. But keep in mind that some people are fighting things you couldn't possibly imagine. Some people suffer physically for their mental warfare. Don't be so quick to judge, and don't shame someone for their appearance. Be a better person than that. The world needs more people like that, people who are better, people who make being in public a social thing and a pleasant experience, not a gauntlet of shame and judgement.

Toodles!

I Wrote This For You // The Time It Takes to Fall

Far to often, people (including myself) forget to enjoy the things in their life as they are. We focus too much on getting to the next thing, another pastime, a deeper connection. By doing this, we miss what's right in front of us, we miss the beauty of what we already have. I've been trying to make adjustments to my life for the better over this last year, and one of the big things I've been focusing on is enjoying my life in the now. Having something might hurt later if/when it leaves, but that doesn't make the experience any less meaningful. I'll take the pain of loss over the numbness of not having anything. Loving and hurting makes life much more worthwhile than to sit in fear, to not strive for anything because you're afraid of failure. Or rejection. Or loss. Or pain. Nothing is guaranteed, positive or negative. So why not strive for happiness, and accept what happens because of it? You either remain happy, or you dust yourself off, see what you've learned, and have a new story to tell.

I'm taking pictures of the book of poetry I'm taking quotes from instead of simply typing them out. Part of poetry is the form in which it is presented, so my typing wasn't giving it the justice it deserved. There is a copy of the book that doesn't include the photos, but my copy includes them. So now Saturday quotes shall be a little larger, with direct pictures from I Wrote This For You.

*Reminder that I take no credit for this work. It does not belong to me, I did not make it, I make no claim to it other than the feelings it evokes in me.

Toodles!

An Update // Tea Shop

First off, I'd like to thank everyone for their patience during my short break from posting. The time off was definitely a good way for me to get some posts queued up, opportunities to think, and to spend some time with Style. During this break, I also came to a rather abrupt decision. With school starting again, I was accelerated in making my choice between continuing my degree for a few years, or simply finishing my bachelor degree and beginning a passion project of mine that has been stewing in my brain for a few years now. Because of the deadline of registration, I chose to follow my passion. I will be finishing my degree this year and figuring out how to open up my own tea shop.

I've always heard it said that you shouldn't just do whatever job you can for a career. You're supposed to do what you love, what you're supremely passionate about, and figure out a way to make money doing it. It might be difficult to start, it might even be difficult for your entire life. But doing what you love makes it worth it. I love music, and I love teaching music. But there have been times throughout my degree that I have lost that spark, that necessary component of teaching. During these moments of doubt and disinterest, I have never lost my passion for tea. It's always been interesting to me, comforting no matter the situation.

One of the jobs I've had as an adult was working in a tea shop, selling bags of looseleaf tea. It was an amazing experience that I learned a lot doing. Part of being hired for that job was taking a class all about tea. I even discovered that you can get certificates in tea knowledge (That I will most likely be pursuing later). Anyway, the owner of this shop moved to another provence, as the store was more of a hobby for him instead of his career.

With the closing of my beloved local teashop, the only place that sells looseleaf tea in my city is a poor excuse for a store, a mass produced chain store. Don't get me wrong, I see the appeal and purpose. It's not a terrible place for people to start their adventures into looseleaf tea. But for someone who has moved beyond the taste of artificial flavours and sweeteners, I can't really enjoy the tea from there anymore. This strands me, and people with similar palettes, without a place to buy good looseleaf tea. This planted the idea in my mind that I could open a teashop.

One aspect of local shops, of any kind, I've always loved is how welcoming they can feel. Like how you can just walk in one afternoon and spend a couple of hours there, reading or talking or whatever. This is very reminiscent of the teahouses of Asia, and something that my city is very much lacking. This is my vision for my own shop. I want a place where you can walk in, sit down in a nice chair, order a cup or pot of tea, and spend some time enjoying yourself. Too much of life is rushed through, not enjoyed. I want there to be a place that has great quality tea, a relaxing atmosphere, and a place of community. That's the goal for my shop.

If you have any ideas, suggestions, or requests regarding the shop, please leave a comment or message. Know a great kind of tea you would like to see served? Let me know! Have an amazing artist who wants some art publicized? Shoot me a comment and a contact! Really, all ideas are welcome.

Toodles!

A Short Break

Hey everybody! After a long weekend and spending some great quality time with Style, my one month of perfect posting has come to a close. Yesterday I forgot to make a post, so that ends the streak for now.

I'm going to take a short break from posting every day, and work to get a bunch queued up for when school starts up again. I appreciate the support everyone has shown in reading my posts as they go up. Seeing all the people reading what I ramble about each day is truly heartwarming. So for the next little while, I won't be posting every day.

Rest assured, this blog will continue, it's not ending here. I just want to make sure that I can give you all the best content I can. I wrote a rushed post a few days ago, and I felt terrible about it. It wasn't up to my personal standard but I felt that maintaining my posting schedule was important. Consistency is important, but so is the quality of my writing. Hence, the break. I want to get back to writing at the level I expect of myself while also sticking to my posting schedule.

Some posts may make it up to keep things interesting, but until I get back on schedule, I wish you all the best! See you in a bit!

Toodles!

I Wrote This For You // The Song Across Wires

The "baggage" that people carry around with them, their history, is something that for some reason has become kind of negative aspect. That the choices that made them precisely who they are today are somehow a burden for the people they let into their lives. Being a mess doesn't make you messy, it makes you unique. No matter how many times you spill milk on the floor, it'll never look the exact same twice. The real trick to dealing with your past is to find people who accept you for who you are, not who you used to be. That old version of you is important, for sure, they grew into the current you. But remember which one of them you live as. You can dwell on the old one, as the current one stands still in life. Or you can live as you are, and be able to look back at the footsteps that you've made up to this point, and the paths ahead waiting for you to step there.

The Song Across Wires

I'm a picture without a frame.

A poem without a rhyme.

A car with three tires.

A sun without fire.

I am a gun without bullets.

I am the truth without someone to hear it.

I am a feeling without someone to feel it.

This is who I am.

A mess without you.

Something beautiful with you.

*Reminder that I take no credit for this work. It does not belong to me, I did not make it, I make no claim to it other than the feelings it evokes in me.

Toodles!

I Wrote This For You // The Heart Rides On

Being in a long distance relationship isn't easy. Like seriously, for two people that are very physical in nature, long distance is freakin' hard. But I can focus on the time we've already spent together, and use those memories to weather the time between visits.



The Heart Rides On

I love you. I love your eyes. I love your smell. I love your hair. I love your laugh. I love your skin. I love everything inside you. And I'll try to make all the parts that I find, happy.

Because you make me happy. So much.



*Reminder that I take no credit for this work. It does not belong to me, I did not make it, I make no claim to it other than the feelings it evokes in me.

Toodles!

Pacing

Something that has always been interesting to me is the pace at which people take relationships, and what is considered an acceptable pace by our society. Every relationship I've been in has taken a different pace, but each one felt like the right speed at the time. I wonder what it is that constitutes the rate a relationship develops? How do you get from that first touch to the first kiss, when the closeness in private becomes public, when you talk about the next weekend and then you're talking about years in advance?

Another part of this that intrigues me is how some relationships stall out at certain stages. I've been with a girl that had the relationship stop at being comfortable with each other's proximity in private, which occurred quite quickly, but never went public. Another took almost two months just to be comfortable with each other in our physical bubbles. After a lot of work and patience, we progressed to being public and making those short term plans with each other, but there was never a thought about spending our lives together.

Which brings me to my next area of interest for the norm of relationships. Talking about spending the future with your partner shouldn't feel scary. It should be exciting. Even if it's not easy, or is still a ways off in the future, I believe that honesty should rule in a relationship. If you are willing to move somewhere else for your partner's career or education, they should know that. If you want children or not, they should know. Most importantly, they should know if you can actually see a future with them.

It could just be that I've finally grown up, and want to be with someone for the rest of my life. I only want that one partner, who knows all the parts that make me up. But I'm still stuck with the issue of pacing. How long do we need to be together for me to know with absolute certainty that we will spend our lives together? How long before we begin making life decisions based around each other?

I'm curious as to what other people's opinions on pacing in relationships are. Please leave your thoughts, or stories you've experienced on the matter, in the comments below. You can always leave your comments as anonymous if you wish.

Toodles!

I Wrote This For You // The Corner of Me and You

By now everyone who reads this blog should be very aware that I am a romantic, and I take my shot at being poetic when the mood strikes me. An old acquaintance  of mine reminded me that in order to become a better writer, it was necessary to read. Over this past (eventful) summer, I bought two books of poetry, entitled I Wrote This For You and I Wrote For You and Only You. Both of these books contain a number of beautiful, anonymous pieces of poetry. They vary in length from be only a line to taking up the entire page. Because Saturdays don't currently have a theme on my blog, I have decided to post chosen works out of the books.

The Corner of Me and You

I don't know if you felt that or not.

But it felt like two people kissing after hours of thinking about it.

It felt like two people talking after nights of silence.

It felt like two people touching after weeks of being numb.

It felt like two people facing each other after months of looking away.

It felt like two people in love after years of being alone.

And it felt like two people meeting each other, after an entire lifetime of not meeting each other.



*Reminder that I take no credit for this work. It does not belong to me, I did not make it, I make no claim to it other than the feelings it evokes in me.

Toodles!

A Little Organization

Last night I needed to stay awake to help Style during a long drive, so I decided to try and organize my blog a little more. Some people may only enjoy particular sets of posts from me (I don't expect everyone to love everything I write about, they're my hobbies), so I have added headings at the top of the blog. If you like reading about tea, click the Sunday posts. Looking for new music? Click on Wednesday. I hope this little tweak to my blog is useful to my readers. Feedback always welcome!

As always, thanks for being part of my blog with me!

Toodles!

Looking at You

I've been in a very poetic mood these last couple of weeks. For those who enjoy reading it, awesome, I'm always open to input. For those who don't, sorry, but suck it up. You're still reading, so you must be doing okay. I appreciate all my readers, whether they like each post or not. Anyway, Monday posts should be swapping back and forth between poetry and more perspective writings, like before.

BUT, for now, there is poetry to be done. I have a muse, so I shall use the inspiration.


Looking at You

I look at you

I see all the needs you ask of me

Just the brush of a hand

Against your hand, your leg, your cheek, anywhere with skin

To lock your fingers inbetween mine

Even when we fight over who's thumb goes on top

Wordlessly begging for a kiss

Your eyes widen then close,your head tilts

I see the pain too

A kind act, received with confusion

You were skeptical of my generosity

A tight embrace, trying to hide the whimper

You didn't want to let go

A warm smile, causes you sadness

You grow accustomed to being happy, you don't want to lose it

I see you watching me

An inquisitive quirk, an eyebrow raised

You question my expressions, seeking their causes

An adorable giggle, a full laugh

You enjoy my flusters, especially when you cause them 

The smallest of smiles, gentle but apparent

Sometimes you simple like to look

And while I watch you looking at me, I wonder.

Do you see what I see in you?
Do you see those things in me?



Toodles!

Room Eleven

So far so good, I'm aiming for a perfect week of posts. Yet another Wednesday, another post about music! Also, I'm super good at this blogging thing. Just realized a few days ago that no one could comment without being a registered user. So I changed that setting, comments should be open for everyone now.

Anywho, today I'd like to bring your attention to Room Eleven. This group reminds me a lot of Caro Emerald, which I've already talked about. Room Eleven features a lovely female lead, who's voice is very smooth. You can really hear her facial expressions when she sings (that may sound weird to some, but vocal people know what I mean). Room Eleven uses an interesting selection of instruments, ranging from guitar, accordion, piano, kazoo, sultry singing, and of course a drum set. The lyrics also are cleverly written, and I connected a lot with the song below, Come Closer. One line in particular really stuck with me. 

"Electricity, the energy surround me / Thrills run to my spine, now your fingers are mine / Soon, you will follow me / Tomorrow you'll be drinking tea with me / Let's write some poetry"

Seeing as I've gotten back into writing poetry (now that I have a muse), and of course drinking tea, that line always makes me smirk.

Take a listen to Room Eleven, and fall into the expressive tones

Toodles!

A Beautiful Ghost

Some of my thoughts from the last week. The things that you think of when you miss that one person.


A Beautiful Ghost

You're not here with me

So why do I look for you?

I see you in the things around me

But can never find you attached to them

I can almost hear your laugh

Almost see you turn the corner just ahead of me

It's like I'm always just a few seconds late

I look up, expecting to drown in those blue eyes

Only to see an empty seat

Why do months pass without a thought?

Why do days drag into eternity?

You've told me you hate the ghosts of this place

But now you're one of them

And I would burn the world to keep the spectres here

You're not here with me

But soon, I won't be either

And then I'll see you again



Toodles!