Pacing

Something that has always been interesting to me is the pace at which people take relationships, and what is considered an acceptable pace by our society. Every relationship I've been in has taken a different pace, but each one felt like the right speed at the time. I wonder what it is that constitutes the rate a relationship develops? How do you get from that first touch to the first kiss, when the closeness in private becomes public, when you talk about the next weekend and then you're talking about years in advance?

Another part of this that intrigues me is how some relationships stall out at certain stages. I've been with a girl that had the relationship stop at being comfortable with each other's proximity in private, which occurred quite quickly, but never went public. Another took almost two months just to be comfortable with each other in our physical bubbles. After a lot of work and patience, we progressed to being public and making those short term plans with each other, but there was never a thought about spending our lives together.

Which brings me to my next area of interest for the norm of relationships. Talking about spending the future with your partner shouldn't feel scary. It should be exciting. Even if it's not easy, or is still a ways off in the future, I believe that honesty should rule in a relationship. If you are willing to move somewhere else for your partner's career or education, they should know that. If you want children or not, they should know. Most importantly, they should know if you can actually see a future with them.

It could just be that I've finally grown up, and want to be with someone for the rest of my life. I only want that one partner, who knows all the parts that make me up. But I'm still stuck with the issue of pacing. How long do we need to be together for me to know with absolute certainty that we will spend our lives together? How long before we begin making life decisions based around each other?

I'm curious as to what other people's opinions on pacing in relationships are. Please leave your thoughts, or stories you've experienced on the matter, in the comments below. You can always leave your comments as anonymous if you wish.

Toodles!